National Party board denies it unanimously agreed to Collins’ Faustian cut price with Satan

Sources close to party president Peter Goodfellow say he was totally blindsided by Collins' claims he was party to this particular satanic ritual.

Sources with regards to celebration president Peter Goodfellow say he was once utterly blindsided via Collins’ claims he was once celebration to this actual satanic ritual.

National Party president Peter Goodfellow is lately issuing a powerful denial on behalf of the celebration’s board, announcing they didn’t, at any level, conform to the Faustian cut price that National chief Judith Collins struck with the Evil One, Son of Perdition, the Devil Satan himself.

When Collins was the chief of the National Party in July of 2020, she solid a pact within the depths of Hell with an outdated buddy, Abaddon, Power of Darkness.

The Devil was once to begin with reluctant to make the deal, as Collins had already mortgaged her soul a number of instances, and he was once suspicious that the only he was once being introduced was once a counterfeit.

But Collins confident the Devil that now not handiest was once her soul actual, and that she had many times suffered nice setbacks to reclaim it, however the deal she was once to strike have been unanimously signed off on via the board of the National Party.

The Devil agreed, the pact was once signed in blood (that of 1 Todd Muller), and the deal was once carried out.

But as with every Faustian bargains, the working out was once that someday, the Devil would search his money owed.

On November twenty fifth, 2021, he got here to assemble.

Collins was once livid.

“We agreed you’d take my soul, not the party!” she protested.

“The party is your soul, Judith,” responded the Devil. “It’s what makes you who you are.”

“But without this party, what will I do with this blind ambition?” she requested. “What motivation will I have to destroy other people’s careers?”

“Precisely,” he mentioned.

Satan instructed Collins that it could be in her perfect pursuits now not to withstand, and he thanked her for now not praying correctly that one time in church.

But withstand Collins did.

As her caucus desperately attempted to satisfy to take away her as chief, she many times refused their requests, and when she may deny them now not, she tried the entirety in her energy to disrupt their 9am assembly.

Collins modified the site a number of instances, prior to placing up deceptive signage pointing MPs towards useless ends and main them out of the construction. She spilled twelve liters of milk within the hallway between them and the caucus room, and blocked it off with “Caution: Wet Floor” indicators.

When her MPs in any case made it to the caucus room, she made them check in with My Vaccine Pass, and if they did not have it, she denied them access.

The assembly was once not on time via greater than an hour and a part as MPs desperately attempted to acquire their go via error messages, and web page outages. Rotorua MP Todd McClay was once barred from the assembly completely after Births, Deaths and Marriages was once not able to ensure that he was once even alive.

But for all her efforts, the Devil nevertheless reaped his due. Judith Collins was once ousted as chief, and the herbal celebration of presidency set ablaze.

As she despaired, by myself, within the wreckage of her management, she had one ultimate query for the Father of Lies.

“If you were going to have me rolled, why did you have me write that press release about Simon?”

“I told you Judith,” he mentioned. “I’m taking the party. I’m taking you all.”

“Except Simeon Brown,” he added. “You can keep Simeon Brown.”

Despite Satan’s working out of the unique association, the board is making an attempt to forestall the selection of all of the celebration’s soul, insisting it was once utterly blind to its personal alleged involvement in Collins’ association.

“It’s my working out that the Deceiver, King of the Bottomless Pit, Liar and Leviathan, the Devil himself, is making an attempt to take this celebration down with Judith Collins, at the foundation that the deal she made with him some one years prior was once unanimously agreed to via the board of the National Party, thus entwining our fates with hers,” wrote President Peter Goodfellow, in a statement. “But the Ruler of Darkness has been misled. We never agreed to this.”

Goodfellow mentioned that Collins had approached the board about an inevitably catastrophic Faustian association, however they’d now not signed off at the settlement, nor even observed it.

“The board agreed, in principle, only to the use of some blood magics,” he wrote. “If the Devil wants more than Judith, we can make a token offering in respect of this misunderstanding, such as, for example, Simeon Brown.”

But as of 5pm Friday, apparently that Goodfellow’s pleas are upon deaf ears, as a management contest with out a transparent resolution seems to be set to pull the celebration deeper into the abyss.

When his dismantling of the National Party is done, Satan will go back to paintings on his weblog, The BFD,

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